# Good Thoughts Counselling & Coaching > START TRANSFORMING YOUR LIFE NOW ## Posts - [Conditional Love & Parentification](https://goodthoughts.uk/psych/conditional-love-parentification/): Transcript: Conditional Love and Parentification – Understanding the Roots of People-Pleasing “Okay, if you’re a people-pleaser, then it’s very likely that you’ve experienced some form of conditional love. One very common example is parentification of the child, where the caregiver or parent recruits the child to be their emotional support. Signs of this happening include memories of being told how special you are, how capable you are, how mature you are. It sounds like praise—and at the time, it probably felt good to hear that from a parent. But what’s actually happening is the parent is reassuring themselves that you […] - [Breaking the Guilt-Shame-People-Pleasing Cycle | Recovering People-Pleasers](https://goodthoughts.uk/psych/recovering-people-pleasers/): The Reverse Guilt-Shame Dynamic in People-Pleasing Many people-pleasers describe a deep sense of shame that drives their overextension to accommodate others. It’s almost the reverse of what should happen. Normally, if we see someone in need, we might feel moved to help, and if we don’t, guilt or shame could arise. In people-pleasers, however, guilt and shame exist beforehand, fuelling the urge to please—even when it’s not required or goes above and beyond. So, how does this guilt-shame-pleasing cycle form? It often stems from formative childhood experiences where caregivers couldn’t consistently meet the infant’s needs. Caregivers, aware of their shortcomings, […] - [Balancing the Right and Left Hemispheres of the Brain](https://goodthoughts.uk/psych/balancing-the-right-and-left-hemispheres-of-the-brain/): Summary Three Brains: Balancing the Left and Right Hemispheres for a Healthier Life It could be argued that we have three brains: the right hemisphere, the left hemisphere, and the many neurons in our gut—equivalent in number to a dog’s brain. Today, I’d like to focus on the differences between the left and right hemispheres of the brain. These distinctions are explored brilliantly by Iain McGilchrist in his books The Master and His Emissary and The Matter with Things. He describes fascinating cases of people with damage to the right hemisphere and the profound effects this has on behaviour. Examples […] - [Children of Cluster B Parents](https://goodthoughts.uk/uncategorized/children-of-cluster-b-parents/): Transcript A Brief Talk About Children of Cluster B Parents Hi, I wanted to talk a little bit today about the challenges of being the child of someone with a Cluster B personality disorder. This topic has come up with various clients recently, so I thought it would be worth exploring. To start, Cluster B personality disorders include conditions like borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder, and antisocial personality disorder. A very common thread for children of a parent with one of these disorders is an overwhelming sense of purposelessness in life, which can persist for many decades. […] - [Mind, Conscious and Unconscious](https://goodthoughts.uk/psych/mind-conscious-and-unconscious/): Mind, Conscious and Unconscious In the course of my work as a therapist, I am often talking to clients about the difference between conscious and unconscious mind. Many people have never even considered that such a division exists, and would assume that the mind is that ‘thing’ that is having thoughts, making decisions throughout the day and perhaps providing a few dreams at night. And yet in the many attempts by neuroscientists to estimate the amount of mental activity that is conscious, it ranges between about 1 to 5 percent. What we think of as our minds, is really only […] - [Complexes and Sub-Personalities](https://goodthoughts.uk/uncategorized/complexes-and-sub-personalities/): Understanding Complexes and Subpersonalities: Pathways to Healing and Wholeness Today, I’m exploring the psychotherapeutic concept of complexes or subpersonalities—terms I use interchangeably. These ideas originate from Jungian psychology and have been further developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz in his Internal Family Systems (IFS) model. They’re incredibly useful concepts because we all carry these inner parts to varying degrees, and they can profoundly influence our life experiences and enjoyment. I hope this discussion resonates with you. What Are Complexes and Subpersonalities? In Jungian psychology, complexes are accumulations of emotional energy that form at specific moments in time and space, often triggered […] - [Psychofiles #1 - Relationships](https://goodthoughts.uk/counselling/psychofiles-1-relationships/): Welcome to Psychofiles Welcome to the first episode of Psychofiles, a new video/podcast series discussing matters of the mind. In this first episode I talk about relationships and where we go wrong and how we might prevent ourselves from creating problems in our relationships. I welcome your comments, thoughts and questions. Keep thinking good thoughts! Cassian - [On Being Yourself](https://goodthoughts.uk/psych/on-being-yourself/): Or Why Therapists Should Not Affirm I have read many mission statements from various charities and media outlets recently that all revolve around the premise that one should ‘be allowed to be yourself’, or ‘provide a space to be your authentic self’. Indeed, many counselling and psychology professional bodies make similar statements referring to such things as ‘affirming who an individual is’. I won’t name names as I want to talk about principles not specific entities. In this contemporary context these statements are usually in reference to issues of gender identity, but it is worth reflecting on what it actually […] - [The Human Ape & the Smart Phone](https://goodthoughts.uk/psych/technology-psychology/): The impact of Technology on Human Psychology The last 25 years have seen unprecedented change in technologies and fundamentally altered human behaviour, yet we have barely begun to assess the impact of technology on human psychology and development. E.O.Wilson, biologist and naturalist, once said, The real problem of humanity is the following: we have Palaeolithic emotions, medieval institutions, and god-like technology. Our primary emotional systems, known as our affective systems, are shared with all mammals and many other species, including birds and some reptiles. The brilliant neuroscientist, Jaak Panksepp, did a huge amount in his life to advance our knowledge […] - [Anti-Social Media](https://goodthoughts.uk/psych/anti-social-media/): (and the illusion of communication) I make it my own rule not to react with emotion online, to stay reasonable and to always attempt to bring out the best in people who disagree with me, it is a spiritual and communication challenge, not always successful. However, neither do I shy away from discussing difficult topics, as every psychotherapist knows, the difficult topics are where there is most to gain. So it was with some dismay one night that I rolled over and glanced at the glowing digital clock, it was  3.14am and I was wide awake. Why was I awake? […] - [Bacteria to Brains, the Hidden Influence on your Mental Health](https://goodthoughts.uk/uncategorized/bacteria-to-brains-the-hidden-influence-on-your-mental-health/): Current research into the microbiome of the gut and its relationship to the brain sheds light on the lifestyle-mental health links Merely a handful of years ago, most of us were told bacteria were bad. We now know we rely of bacteria to stay alive, we are not isolated beings, but symbiotic creatures who co-exist with millions of bacteria who are providing vital functions for us. It is only recently that we have been able to analyse in detail our gut flora — the reason being that traditional methods of cultivation in gels, simply would not work for many varieties of gut […] - [An Ethical Framework for Counselling](https://goodthoughts.uk/counselling/ethical-framework/): The Ethical Framework for the Counselling Professions (2016) is published by the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy (BCAP) . A link to the complete document is provided at the end [1]. By its nature counselling can deal with sensitive information that the client is sharing with the practitioner. The client needs to be able to trust the practitioner in order to do this. Without this trust then the work of counselling cannot happen. The aim of the ethical framework is to create a basis of trust in the client-therapist relationship through a series of commitments and establishing the ethics […] - [The Core Conditions for Change](https://goodthoughts.uk/counselling/the-core-conditions-for-change/): We all understand that we go into a therapeutic setting in order to achieve change, and many of us know that it does not always happen, so just what are the core conditions for change? Carl Rogers provides us with some of the answers. Carl Rogers was one of the pioneers of person-centred or humanistic therapy in the 1940s. He was instrumental in laying the foundations and theory for the practice of counselling by non-medical practitioners. His approach recognised an inbuilt tendency of humans toward ‘self-actualisation’, a positive view of human psychology that accepts our innate desire to grow and […] - [A Short History of Counselling](https://goodthoughts.uk/counselling/a-short-history-of-counselling/): To understand the history of counselling, we begin with the realisation that human beings find a good deal of comfort in sharing their problems. Carl Jung, the father of analytical psychology, put it another way, “We are all in some way or other kept asunder by our secrets”[1], meaning that by keeping secrets, especially painful ones, we separate ourselves from others and create problems for ourselves. There is an old saying that exists in many languages, ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’. It demonstrates a truth that we all fundamentally understand; that we are social creatures and when we […] - [What is Counselling?](https://goodthoughts.uk/counselling/what-is-counselling/): You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do Carl Jung If we take Jung’s statement as a starting point, then counselling could be considered the bringing into alignment our thoughts, words and actions. Of course there are many different approaches and settings that assume the process of ‘counselling’ – but all are attempting to aid the client in living a more satisfying and fulfilling life. (See article on Rogers). “Counselling is a professional relationship that empowers diverse individuals, families, and groups to accomplish mental health, wellness, education, and career goals” [1] This is the definition arrived at […] - [The Four Noble Truths](https://goodthoughts.uk/buddhism/the-four-noble-truths/): A Practical Guide to Life Buddha took a practical approach to his teachings, which he delivered by talking to people with real problems. He approached it as you would approach a problem that you face. First, you need to know what the problem is. Then you need to understand its nature and its extent. Once this is understood then you can discover the causes of the problem and then how to eliminate them, thus freeing you from the problem. The fundamental problem that Buddhism tackles, is the nature of our existence and it is framed like this: There is suffering […] - [The Seduction of the Conspiracy Theory](https://goodthoughts.uk/psych/the-seduction-of-the-conspiracy-theory/): There has been a spate of attacks on cell phone towers due to a coronavirus conspiracy theory. Engineers have been attacked verbally and physically, one stabbed, one falling ill with coronavirus after being spat at. What is causing this irrational behaviour? These are not normal times, with our lives disrupted in a way that hasn’t been seen since the upheavals of the second world war. However, there are a few differences between our time and that one. Although a scan of British newspapers of the 1930s shows that Mr Hitler enjoyed quite a bit of praise before the war, once […] - [The Search for Life's Meaning After Lockdown](https://goodthoughts.uk/psych/the-search-for-lifes-meaning-after-lockdown/): Lockdown has brought a massive change in routine for almost all of us. Normality for most of us involved;  getting up when the alarm goes off, packing the kids off to school, grabbing a coffee on the commute to work, settling into a day’s work, punctuated by a cuppa and chat. Heading home at the same time, thinking about what to have for dinner and where the kids should be. There might be time for a spot of TV, catching up with friends on social media or at the pub, reading, a gym class. Everyone is different but you probably […] - [The Three Levels of Consciousness](https://goodthoughts.uk/psych/the-three-levels-of-consciousness/): The concept of the conscious, the subconscious and the unconscious There have been sophisticated theories of mind that have undoubtedly contained the concepts of conscious and subconscious for over two thousand years, most notably in Buddhist philosophy[1]. Greek philosophers also described concepts of mind, including Aristotle and Plato, although they might describe it as the soul. However, Sigmund Freud made the concepts popular in the west at the turn of the 20th century and began the process of creating our modern theories of mind[2]. He first described in detail the three levels of consciousness that we now utilise today. The […] - [Can Mindfulness Make Us Ill?](https://goodthoughts.uk/mindfulness/can-mindfulness-make-us-ill/): With the incredible rise in popularity of mindfulness practice, some are beginning to question if mindfulness is as good for you as some would have you believe. There are now various reports of adverse reactions — just exactly what is happening? I had always thought that mindfulness was a pretty uncontroversial topic. Although there was some suspicion at the industry that seemed to be building up around this technique. However, when I stumbled across an article in the UK newspaper, The Guardian, entitled, ‘Is Mindfulness Making Us Ill?’, I realised that the backlash was underway. In a sense, this is […] - [Congruence, Person-Centred Therapy & the Path to Self-Actualisation](https://goodthoughts.uk/psych/congruence-and-person-centred-therapy/): Carl Rogers, was one of the foremost psychologists of the 20th century and a pioneer of the person-centred approach to counselling. He observed that the human personality is like a triangle made up of the real self, the perceived self, and ideal self[1]. ## Pages - [Keep in touch](https://goodthoughts.uk/friends/) - [My account](https://goodthoughts.uk/my-account/) - [Checkout](https://goodthoughts.uk/checkout/) - [Cart](https://goodthoughts.uk/cart/) - [Shop](https://goodthoughts.uk/shop/) - [5 Steps to Better Mental Health](https://goodthoughts.uk/5-steps/): Thank you for your interest in this 5 Step Guide to Better Mental Health. I hope it proves to be useful for you, a starting point on your journey to taking charge of your mind. Unwanted states of mind can feel overwhelming, unwanted thoughts can be dispiriting and wearing, sometimes we can feel powerless in their grip. But there is hope. There are ways you can begin to regain control and start to create a more contented and fulfilling mental state. This guide is only a start, but every journey must have a beginning. Let me know what is useful […] - [Location](https://goodthoughts.uk/location/): 1 The Glebe, Pencaitland, Tranent, East Lothian - [Booking](https://goodthoughts.uk/booking/): Book an Appointment If you would like a chat before booking then I am happy to arrange that, either use the booking form, or drop me an email. Please fill in a self referral form: [download id=”1801″] and a CORE-OM assessment [download id=”1796″] and send them back to me, either by email or via WhatsApp. Options: Currently Thursday and Friday are my private practice days. Each session lasts approx. 50mins and costs £65 I am continuing to offer remote Google Meet video calls for those who can not meet in person and In person consultations are at 1 The Glebe, […] - [Accreditation](https://goodthoughts.uk/accreditation/): Graduate Member of the British Psychological Society no. 663253     - [Good Thoughts Counselling](https://goodthoughts.uk/):       Cassian Hall GMBPsS, FACCPH, BA Hons (Ebor), Mst. (Oxon), MSc. (Stirling)   Whether you’re feeling blue, depressed, find your relationships are suffering, or are grappling with issues that seem insurmountable, counselling psychotherapy can be a method of regaining your peace of mind. The good news is that all the answers you require are already within you, it may be that you just need some help in getting to them.     Do you want to resolve your challenges with…? relationship problems at home or work separation or divorce shared parenting or conflict with an ex-partner adapting to […] - [Privacy Policy](https://goodthoughts.uk/privacy-policy/): Privacy Policy This Privacy Policy sets out how Goodthoughts.uk uses and protects any information that you give us when you use our products or services or otherwise engage with us (for example, attending events, unless a different Privacy Policy is displayed). We are committed to ensuring that your privacy is protected. Should we ask you to provide information by which you can be identified, you can be assured that it will only be used in accordance with this Privacy Policy. We may update this Privacy Policy from time to time. If you are not happy with any aspects of it, […] - [Blog](https://goodthoughts.uk/blog/) ## Optional - [Agent (MCP protocol)](websites-agents.hostinger.com/goodthoughts.uk/mcp) [comment]: # (Generated by Hostinger Tools Plugin)